Aging by George Carlin

Do you realize the only time in our lives when we
like to get old is when we're kids?

If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited
about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?"
I'm four and a half!"
You're never thirty-six and a half.
You're four and a half, going on five!

That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you
back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?"
"I'm gonna be 16!"

You could be 13, but hey, you are going to be 16.

And then the greatest day of your life...you become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony...
YOU BECOME 21
YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30.
Oooohh, what happened there?
Makes you sound like bad milk.
He TURNED, we had to throw him out.
There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling.

What's wrong?
What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30... then you're PUSHING 40.

Whoa!
Put on the brakes, It's all slipping away!!!
Before you know it, you REACH 50... and your dreams are gone.

But wait, you MAKE IT to 60
You didn't think you would!

So you:
BECOME 21
TURN 30
PUSH 40
REACH 50
and
MAKE IT to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you...
Hit70!

After that it's a day-by-day thing;

You HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle:

You HIT lunch
You TURN 4:30
You REACH bedtime.

My grandmother won't even buy green bananas!
It's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one!!

And it doesn't end there...

Into the 90s, you start going backwards:
"I was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens.
If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.
"I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it (healthily) to 100 and a half!





Now, I didn’t present this to you to get a laugh. Nor am I trying to plagiarize or promote George Carlin’s work. This was emailed to me by my boss at my J-O-B.

The reason I am presenting this to you today is to make you think about life, with this business and without.

Can anyone tell me why at 13 we say we’re almost 16? And again for 18 and 21? Because the government has set goals for us, right? If you make it until 16, then you can get you driver’s license. At 18, you are classified as an adult. This means, Military, voting, housing, marriage, cigarettes, and “independence”. Finally, at 21 you can buy negative beverages and negative reading materials and you’re insurance rates MAY go down.

So why are we unenthusiastic about 30 and the other ZERO years? Could it be that there are no goals reflected by those ages? Could it also be that when you hit the Zero birthdays, you are that much more committed to working for a boss?

How many of you, raise your hands, how many of you listen to tapes from the business? Have you ever heard a Diamond complain about their age? I don’t remember hearing one. I’m sure that this is due to the fact that Diamonds have set and achieved certain goals, are free - not committed to jobs, and don’t give in to the societal stigma related to age.

Many people look at age as a detriment. I, however, look at the Diamonds in the business and admire their experience. It doesn’t matter how old they are, a Diamond is FREE and often child-like. Dexter Yager is older than my father, but acts younger than me. I have heard many stories about Diamond ski trips, snow-mobiling, bungee jumping, Harley riding, shopping, traveling, boating, cruising, hunting, fishing, golfing, etc.

Does this sound like the life any 21-year-old would like to have? I know that I, being 27, would love to have these opportunities now, not to mention when I was 21. But why is it that I cannot experience these activities as freely at 28? Following is my list of possible reasons:

1. I don’t deserve them.
2. I’m not old enough.
3. I’m too old.
4. I can’t afford them.
5. I work too much.
6. I’m too busy.
7. I haven’t accrued the vacation time.
8. My kids are in school.
9. My spouse is working.
10. We have _______ activity that night.
11. If God wanted me to be able to do that, He would make the schedule/money work.

I’m sure that you came up with at least one more item to add to that list. Your thought was probably something like, “You forgot . . .” or “Don’t forget . . .” You are right. Whatever the excuse, it is yours to make. Society has taught you all of these excuses and systematically placed them upon you to the detriment of your choices. You see, when you read through that list of activities, did you think first about how nice it would be to be able to enjoy some of them? Or did you first think of the reasons why you couldn’t experience them.

The answer to this will also answer many of your other questions in life. To quote the old adage, “Is your glass half full or half-empty? I grew up thinking that my cup was half empty. Regardless of the situation, I believed that my family and I were never good enough. We lived in a very well-to-do section of the suburbs, attended school with kids from very wealthy families, and drove one car that was old and held together by wire clothes’ hangers. I was also one of the youngest kids in my class, and therefore was very small compared to my classmates. I was ahead intellectually, but behind physically. I was very unassertive, unpopular, sheltered, and dissimilar to most of the other kids. I am not saying that all of these characteristics are bad, but in my case, it aided the half-empty outlook.

My parents had rules that were meant to help me. However, from my viewpoint, they perpetuated the problems I was having. As a result of the items mentioned in the previous paragraph, I suffered from a low self-esteem, low self-respect, and a general displacement among my “peers”. Several years after grade school, my mom told me that she wished she had held me back a year in kindergarten. That way I would have been the oldest kid in the class instead of being the youngest. My response, however, was that I was ahead intellectually and that holding me back would have been even more detrimental to me than leaving me where I was at.

I cared very little about school, beginning as early as second grade. In first grade, my homeroom class was a split class. Half of the students were in first grade, while the other half were in second. I really liked this because I felt like a “big kid” being lumped with the older students. We also had a program called Computation Math. In this program, we had a specific amount of time each day set-aside for math studies and testing. I enjoyed this due to my mathematical nature and need for “self-esteem boosts”. Brian T. and I were both first graders testing on long division, a skill that none of the second graders in our class were testing on yet. In fact, my son just started learning the basics of long division in third grade. We changed principals after that school year, and Computation Math went too. I think that’s when I stopped caring.

In second grade, my teacher sent a HUGE pile of homework home with me over Christmas break and told my mom that it was all of the papers I hadn’t done up till that point. My mom, instead of backing me up and arguing that I shouldn’t be required to do it as I had already learned and tested on the material, forced me to do this redundant drivel. She still tells the story to this day to show my lack of self-motivation, or irresponsibility or something. I’m not sure what her “moral of the story” is, but it’s very different than mine.

I must interrupt the thought process here to answer a question that may be burning in your head. Yes, I have said “parents” – plural, as in two. So why have I not said anything about my dad? Simple. There’s nothing yet to tell. My dad has worked for the same company as long as I can remember. For many years, my dad worked the late shift and wouldn’t get off work until 7, and our bedtimes were 8:00 or 8:30, so we didn’t spend much time with him. He has taken on a second or third job as needed to attempt to cover the bills. When he wasn’t at work, he was at home in front of the TV, radio, and newspaper simultaneously. I’m not leaving him out because he was an awesome dad and doesn’t fit into this history lesson, but exactly the opposite. He has been left out until now because he wasn’t an integral part of my life.

By the time I was in high school, I had a full-blown inferiority complex. While I had lived in the same house since Kindergarten, our section of the school district fed two different middle and high schools and thusly, I had changed school “groups” 3 times now for the sake of convenience and proximity. Among other things, I was very small for my age and was scrawny too. I was into computers, but my parents couldn't afford the current equipment. My grandparents gave my parents money with which to buy a computer. When the time came to make the purchase, I informed my dad that the Commodores were outdated and that we should buy one of those new IBM compatible computers. I laid out the benefits to him, showing him where the future of computers would be. His response was famous, “Well, Paul, Tom, and your Aunt all have Commodores, so that’s what I’m going to buy. And besides, they gave us the money to buy a Commodore, not an IBM.” Within ONE year, Paul and Tom replaced their FOUR-year-old commodores with IBM compatible PCs.

Speaking of the Commodore, this is actually where my dad comes in. I had this Bruce Lee game. It had capabilities for two players. One player controlled Bruce Lee, while the other player controlled the most powerful of the three bad guys. I asked my mom, dad, and older sister to come help me with this game by keeping the green guy out of my way – no skills required. I can excuse my mom for most of this one because it was usually on a Sunday afternoon while she was making or cleaning up dinner. I also partially excuse my sister from this one because, as siblings, we didn’t help each other out unless it benefited ourselves. My dad, however, was sitting in front of the TV, radio, and newspaper and was too busy to help me for five minutes so I could beat that particular level and move on. Did I EVER have anyone help me with this? Not until I started dating. Then I had my girlfriend help me. Yeah. “Hey, baby. Wanna come to my house and control the green guy so I can beat the level?” What a great line… It’ll only work on a girl that is into fat, green guys and archaic technology. Luckily, I found one that fit this description. I think she even had that game at home on her Commodore. I finally beat that level, no thanks to the family.

You know, I think that the situation with my dad actually hit me the hardest after my son was born. My dad told me that he had realized how little time he had spent with me and that he wanted to make it up by spending time with my son. I haven’t seen that happen yet. Of course, my initial response was, “You can’t make it up to me. I’m an adult now. But if you want to try, then call ME and hang out with ME.” I don’t mean to sound selfish in saying that, but he should already want to spend time with my kids regardless of how much time he spent with me as a kid.

Among other things, my mom was particularly picky when it came to rules and judgement calls. My sophomore year in high school, I was a skater. I had saved up $120 of my own money with the intention of buying a brand new skateboard. My mom took me to the skate shop to pick it out. I have a thing for dragons, wizards, tigers, wolves, and other such pictures. However, when I tried to pick a skateboard deck with any such picture on it, my mom would veto it saying, “That looks evil and demonic.” IT’S A SKATEBOARD! There we no naked people, tobacco or alcohol ads, or death pictures on these boards. Just really cool dragons, panthers, or the mad scientist with the pointy hair. In retrospect, I look at the Einstein office assistant in Microsoft Word and think that with pointy hair, it would be the same graphic. I ended up with a Christian Hosoi board, a very good board but with a goofy Indian graphic on it. This was ok because my high school mascot was the Indian. Instead of expressing myself, I was being repressed and forced to express or protect my mom’s image or her insecurities with the world or something. I mean, IT’S A SKATEBOARD!

During this same phase in my life, I acquired a t-shirt that I really liked. It was black with a blue box on the front. Inside the box the blue was removed to create black letters that spelled “SKATE OR BE STUPID”. I spent ten dollars of my own money on this shirt and was very proud of it. All of my skater friends liked it, giving me the little bit of ego boost I probably needed right then. However, when I got it home, my dad chastised my purchase by informing me that he never paid more than three dollars for a tee shirt. What he failed to take into account is that he’s cheap, and those three dollar shirts are thin, white, Fruit of the Loom undershirts. My argument became moot when he turned away and walked off. Unfortunately, I have caught myself making similar statements while going through the checkout lines with a pile of clothes for my kids. It’s amazing what things you learn when you don’t expect to.


Now that you have a small glimpse into my early years, hopefully you can better understand where I’m coming from with this article. Let’s talk a little bit about learning and motivation.

As a toddler, a child’s main educational influence is his family. Children are born with the ability to learn and speak any language in the world. Additionally, at this young age, children respond best to discipline, correction, loving guidance, instruction, and education as well as negativity, stress, busyness, worry, lack of discipline, and lack of love and attention. Children under 18 months cannot do things for themselves and are, therefore, totally dependant upon others for their survival. Their survival depends on you. The way they are is a direct reflection of the way you teach them. Before long, a child’s influence expands to include peers, other children, adults, extended family, teachers, and eventually co-workers and bosses.

These influences will shape a person’s education and paradigms. What is a paradigm? I’d love to tell you that it’s twenty cents, but it isn’t. A paradigm is a set way of thinking, usually learned, about a certain situation or item. For example, the preverbal hillbilly’s paradigms include everybody wearing overalls and marrying cousins. Or is this a city-boy’s paradigm of a hillbilly? Either way, it is your paradigms that will guide you through life. Where do we learn these paradigms? Simple, society. Somebody or some experience taught you that the stove is hot, the ground is hard, the sky is up, sex is good, smoking is cool, jobs are a must, and so on. Have you ever heard this song? “Work hard so you can get a good education so you can get a good job.”

Again, society has dictated and brainwashed you into thinking one way about life instead of giving you the opportunity to decide for yourself. Brainwashed – yes, I said brainwashed. You don’t believe you have been brainwashed? Everyone in this world has been brainwashed. Some synonyms for the word brainwash are condition, program, persuade, and convince. Has anyone ever done any of these to you? If so, you have been brainwashed. We start “programming” children before birth. The mother’s diet and activity help to form the basic personality of the baby. We have two kids. The first pregnancy was very stressful, active, and social with lots of people around, while the second was calm with little physical activity, and a lot fewer people involved. The kids’ personalities are just the same as the pregnancy related to them.

Are we products of our environment? Heck, yeah we are! Have you ever heard the phrase, “The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer?” It is typically a true statement. Why? Because the rich live by a different set of paradigms than the poor. Being rich is not about having a good job. In fact, in the United States, 95% of people control only 5% of the money, while 5% of people control about 95% of the money. Hmm… This just isn’t fair, is it? It must be because of the tax laws and lawyers and loopholes right? Wrong! This wealth distribution is due to paradigms and people’s ability to adapt to their environment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that adapting to your environment is either good or bad. I’m simply saying that it happens, causing people to be in the positions that they are in, good or bad.

The five percent of the population that controls the wealth are not people that studied hard to get good jobs. They are business owners and investors. Robert Kiyosaki discusses how to shift your paradigms from the 95% mentality to the 5% mentality in his “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” series. Poor Dad was his father, a schoolteacher and a very good man. Conversely, his Rich Dad was his best friend’s father who was a business owner, entrepreneur, and business mentor. He taught Robert to shift his mindset over to the 5% side of thinking. This is a definite must-read series of books.

So again I ask, can anyone tell me why at 13 we say we’re almost 16? And again for 18 and 21? And why are we unenthusiastic about 30 and the other ZERO years? Could it be that there are no goals reflected by those ages? Could it also be that when you hit the Zero birthdays, you are that much more committed to working for a boss? Is it possible to teach an old dog new tricks? Of course it is. The dog just has to be willing to learn the new tricks. Upon his decision to change, big, new things are possible.

I call you to be willing to change. Read self-help books. I will include a Suggested Reading List page soon to help you with books that help you to become a new dog. Network Marketing groups are another GREAT source for self-improvement. When asked what he would do if he found himself broke tomorrow, Donald Trump said he’d find a good Network Marketing group and get busy building it. If Donald Trump is endorsing something without being paid, then it’s probably worth a look. I know he has created more wealth than I have.

So as you reach these Zero birthdays, you must think to yourself, “Am I better off this year than last year? Have I done anything differently than I did last year? What do I want to have and where do I want to be one year from now?” If the answers to the previous questions won’t achieve the latter, you must change. You must figure out what you can do differently to achieve your future goals and dreams. God gave you those dreams, but it’s your responsibility to work toward achieving them. If you aren’t sure how to get there, you owe it to yourself, your family, society, and God to find someone who is already there or is working to get there and ask for help. WE WILL HELP YOU.

With this, I bid you adieu.